I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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