Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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