i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just google imaged poop.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
