Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
