were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
