if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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