where am i from again
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
