how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I supernannyed him into submission
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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