Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i love accidental penises.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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