If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
