somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
