D3 body, D1 cock
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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