What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
