Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
