Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
