I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
