just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
