Kiss
Puke
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
