You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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