Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
