Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize