when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
