suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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