The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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