Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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