i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You took a bar mat shot.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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