with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
