I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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