I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
