i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
