Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
