We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
then he tried to convert me to islam
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize