Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
