so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
