shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
