Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
