Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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