I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
