So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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