By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
