My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
