Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
