I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
