she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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