I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
