He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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