i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i've created a new STD.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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