the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
