I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
