This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
