My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
a search helicopter?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
