either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize