My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
