fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
