I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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