I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
