the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
