living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no you cant smoke seaweed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
