hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
