btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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