nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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