You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
