So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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