Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
