You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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