Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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