I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
