I'm passing your future prison.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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