Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
