nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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