I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
