I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
