Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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