tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize