2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
