my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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