like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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