I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
