I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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