I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
