i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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