Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
