I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
