Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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