I'm so fucking centered right now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you never un-have a 4some
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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