Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
