you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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