Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
