when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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