I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
