i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
