so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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