there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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