TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
