she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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