My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
