I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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