New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
