i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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