i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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