Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
