Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
